Besides from casual conversational starters, it wouldn't hurt to have more general purpose approaches that work in a variety of settings. Here are some different techniques:
- Situational
- Mentioning an event
- Reeling/baiting into a conversation
- Asking for an opinion
- Complimenting/remarking them
Events are things that are happening, have happened, or are going to happen, either inside or right outside the place. From example you could say "hey did you see the gay guys fighting on the dance floor?" and then tell a short fun story about two gay guys fighting like it was a cat fight. This kind of approach doesn't signal your interest for the girl(s) immediately as you are talking about an (relevant) event. The main idea behind this approach is to convey alpha traits without signaling any interest at first (display alpha traits as mentioned above, in short show confidence). This technique is called indirect as opposed to direct approaches, the difference being whether you convey interest on the approach or not (of course it makes sense to talk about different degrees of directness/indirectness).
Baiting into a conversation is a very casual way of starting a conversation with someone. In fact, it is so casual that the term "approach" doesn't really hold. What's going to happen is the following: you and your friend are talking about something in particular, or at least pretending to be doing so. Then you are simply going to turn your head to a girl behind you (or on your side) and reel her into the conversation. For example, you could say "Do you think Eminem is hot?". She'll assume you and your friends are having a discussion about something and reply, to which you could either directly go back to your friends saying "see man, I told you! It's only your little sister who likes him". Most of the time, the girl is curious enough to be listening in on your conversation, so you could turn back to her and give her the story behind this approach (the reason why you asked her). Another option is to engage her as soon as she replies: "so you think he is hot? No way! I can already tell, you are trouble...you probably have big posters of him in your room, just like my friend's little sister. She's 13 though, how old are you?". This last part is supposed to be done in a fun way; since you are in a club she will definitely be older than 13, so you are being playful and teasing her.
Asking for an opinion is similar to baiting into a conversation. The difference is that now, you are not going to rely on a conversation you are (presumably) already having with your friends. Instead, you are going to initiate the conversation with a girl or a group of girls on your own, and through stories related to the requested opinion you will convey alpha traits (confidence for one). This is clearly an indirect style of approaching as well. "Hey guys quick question, have you ever watched sex and the city? Cause I was talking to my ex girlfriend today and she told me I remind her of Mr Big. Who is that guy, is that a good or a bad thing?".
We've already talked about compliments, but lets go back to it. A remark is any kind of comment you direct towards a girl or a group of girls. When that remark is positive, it is a compliment. What's important to understand about compliments is that there is no fundamental law that says girls will reciprocate your kindness. In other words, the fact that you make them feel good by complimenting them doesn't necessarily mean they will make you feel good back. The reality of it is that if you do not have any value to them, they will not give you anything back. In part this is due to genuineness; many girls do not feel that guys are genuine when they give compliments; they correctly perceive the compliment as something guys use to try to get into their pants. On the other hand, the more value you have, the more effect a compliment will have. If you are the greatest guy she's ever met, a relevant compliment can have a very powerful effect because it validates her. It makes her feel good, but more importantly it signals that you are reciprocating her interest (you feel the same way about her that she feels about you). In the context of approaching, the main reason for why a compliment might work for you is because it conveys (sets up the frame) that you are confident, genuine, honest, straight forward, and not afraid to say what you think. In other words, you are conveying alpha traits by complimenting. A compliment such as "your eyes are beautiful" won't work on the approach, because you haven't had that much time to study her eyes. Besides, she's had that approach so many times before and will therefore assume you weren't genuine but cheesy and sneaky. This frame won't work for you. What will work is saying something straight forward that relates back to you: "You look interesting, I wanted to talk to you." If you compliment on the approach, it might be wise to not make it about a girl's beauty as it's such a common way for guys to approach them.
These different techniques of approaching are effective in different situations. If you are standing talking to your friends, you might want to reel girls into a conversation, whereas it would make more sense to mention an interesting event if you're walking by some girls. If you are standing talking to your friends and there's a group of girls 5 meters away, you can't walk up to them and try to casually reel them into a conversation; you would have to walk up and tell them you and your friends are having a discussion/debate and you want their opinion on it, or walk by them and mention an event. This gives you an indirect, non-intrusive reason to approach them. Or you could just walk up the girl you want and compliment her directly in front of her friends. What's important is that you get a good frame when you approach; it might be weird to walk by 3 groups of girls to approach a fourth with "hey guys, me and my friends are discussing jealous girls, and I want your female opinion on it" as it's obvious to them that you could have asked any of the other groups.
Body language matters a lot during the approach, because it has a large impact on the frame. It's always good to have a smile when you approach, but this means you need to start smiling before they see you. The smile must come from the energy you have, not from them. When they see you, you need to be smiling already. This gives an air of friendliness and acceptance which will work to your advantage. When you approach with a compliment you will naturally be facing the girl you are complimenting, but on indirect approaches this is not always the case. When you reel people in to your conversation, the natural thing to do would be to face your friends, only turning your head towards the girl(s) you want to reel in. If you walk past a group of girls and want to mention an event, you might want to give the initial impression that you are only passing by them, hence you'll be facing the direction in which you are walking, only turning your head and your upper body towards them. Intuition will give you the proper calibration for body language, because body language is not something you want to be conscious about while you are meeting people in clubs. You want your body language to work on auto pilot, and this will happen if you understand what frame you want for each of your own approaches. If you can visualize the proper frame for each of your approaches, your body language for that approach will improve with practice.
As we've seen, the purpose of the approach is not necessarily to hit on the girl; the approach only needs to initiate the interaction. With the exception of compliments, the different techniques of approaching I've mentioned are indirect, in that they don't signal any (or from her point of view, doubtful) interest at first. They are built on the idea that you started talking to them by coincidence, because you were both standing close to each other and you mentioned something relevant, or asked about something because of a conversation or something that happened. Situational "approaches" do not give that illusion of coincidence, however it's socially accepted - if not expected - to start talking to strangers in clubs and bars, and so it works well when you are using a casual frame: don't turn completely towards the girl next to you when saying "What are you going to have?" in the bar, that's uncalibrated. Face the bar to order something, keep a smile on your face (good energy), and turn your head towards her saying "What are you having?" or something similar. This is the casual frame that suits the situational line. I cannot overemphasize the importance of frame: match what you say and how you say it with your body language.
It's time for homework again. I want you to come up with 2 different indirect approaches, using reel ins, events, or opinions. Anything that is not weird will work; no talk about death, bestiality, or other things that are turn offs. They are not girl relevant. The more fun and interesting topics you use, the better. It's hard to give rules for choosing good approaches, because nothing is written in stone - with the proper frame, any approach can work (so the question is rather: is there an appropriate frame for this approach?). Also, try to come up with some situational approaches in bars, dance floors, by drinking spots, etc. Then go out and practice your approaches over and over again, say at least 4 nights before coming back here. Drop the approaches or frames that didn't work for you, and refine the ones that seem to work. After the initial approach just try to stay in conversation by keeping the same frame for a while. If you feel like it would be more natural to switch frame after a while, trust your intuition and do so. Improvise and try to get some light physical contact. Stay as long as possible with every girl or group of girls you approach.
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