Appearance

Why is this blog so useful? Guys hook up with girls all the time, so why would you need to read about it? The answer is: Because you want more, and you are curious to know how you could achieve this. Because most of the times you've hooked up with girls - especially in bars and clubs - it's been a matter of luck, and you can't explain what really happened beneath all the conversations you had with that girl. And you probably don't care; it is in our nature to turn to logical analysis where we fail, but not where we succeed. We ask the question "what went wrong?" but seldom "what went right?". So we only learn what not to do, but that does not mean we know what to do. It simply means we know how to not lose the girl's attention, without knowing how to get a sexual relationship with her. That is why so many guys become friends with the girls they like and want, hoping that one day the girls will magically fall in love with them. During that "friendship", they will see these girls hooking up with lots of other guys, always thinking "he is not right for her, she just doesn't know it yet. I'm the nicer guy, and one day she'll wake up and realize that I'm the perfect guy for her because all this time I've been the one who's been taking care of her, giving her the support she needed when they weren't there". These guys are wrong. They have very counterproductive beliefs, and consequently they have a very inefficient strategy. They are not attractive to girls. That is not to say they never get girls; they sometimes do. But the girls consider them provider type, not lover type as I mentioned in my previous post. If you haven't figured it out yet, the provider strategy hardly ever works, and when it does, it's a very slow and painful process. The provider type is the loser type, we want to be the lover type. Then, if we feel like taking it to the next level, we want to combine lover and provider type qualities.

Bars and clubs is my scene. Hot girls go there for a number of reasons, and it is socially accepted for them to escalate with guys at a fast rate.

To a large extent, the alcohol we drink is an expression of our need to tear down our boundaries - approach anxiety, fear of rejection, fear of being boring or getting bored. This magic potion we call alcohol in part fixes these issues. And when everything is over and the sun rises in the morning, we can all blame our behavior on that potion because we weren't really the ones who did it: it was the person that we transformed into when drinking that potion.

The presence of alcohol is not the only difference between a club and other social gatherings: a club is packed with groups of people whose only apparent commonality is that they came there to have fun. And having fun means talking to other people. And sometimes there is attraction, which inevitably leads to more than talking, assuming the guy doesn't mess it up.

Most guys that are naturally good with women aren't very smooth. They are just attractive by virtue of their appearance (or more correctly, by their presence), and don't mess things up during the interaction. Oh yeah, and they escalate - they physically and emotionally take the girl to the next level all the time.

In other words, there is something to care about before even approaching a girl: your presence. This includes 2 things:

1. Appearance - the way you look, from top to toe
2. Energy - are you sitting in a corner alone, or are you having fun with your friends and other girls?

Let's start with appearance. Appearance does not mean you need to be conventionally good looking. It does however mean that you need to look good. Whereas we mainly judge girls by their objective beauty, they judge us by the way we present ourselves. Hair style, grooming, style of clothing, shoes, belt, jewelry, anything we choose to wear or not wear. You must find a complete style that works for you: the way you present yourself verbally (personality, identity) must match the way you present yourself physically (appearance). This is not a suggestion; if you don't fix this, you won't get girls.

I want you to be very honest and ask yourself this: do you look like the kind of guy that girls can see themselves with? Do you look cool, or confident, or successful? Do you have style? Could she introduce you to her friends, knowing they would give her the thumbs up, saying "where did you find him, I want a guy like that!"? If the answer is "I'm not sure/I don't know", you have work to do here. Appearance is the single most important thing in male-to-female interactions; without it, no amount of smoothness, stories, lines, or anything, will get you the girl. Every form of interest you generate will simply be a platonic form of interest. How do you fix your appearance? Here is a list of things you should possess and use regularly:

1. Hair gel/wax/spray, shampoo, conditioner
2. Toothbrush, toothpaste, tongue scraper, mouth wash, dental floss
3. Tweezers, to remove misplaced eye browses
4. Concealer, to cover pimples and other inconsistencies on your face
5. Razor, shaving foam, and after shave balm
6. Perfume, deodorant, and other antiperspirant products
7. A scissor or trimmer, to shorten down hair under your arms and pubic hair
8. Body soap, to shower your body (and face)
9. Nail scissors, to cut nails and toe nails; also to remove dirt that's stuck there

This is not a list of suggestions. Do the whole list, or save yourself some time by not fixing anything at all. It isn't only about looking attractive in the most obvious ways - say by only fixing your hair and face - it is about feeling attractive too. When you feel attractive, you start acting more attractive - in the way you express yourself: your facial expressions, your body movements, and the way you talk to people. You project sexual appeal and charisma, because you feel attractive and sexual. In a sense, you are turned on by your own sexual energy. I will get back to sexual charisma later, for now lets only focus on looking good.

As you have hopefully noticed, the list above is only a suggestion of things to do with your body; it doesn't mention clothing. Having a good style of clothing is equally important, and so here is my complete and trivial list of what you should consider when you dress up:

1. Hats, beanies, other things you put in your hair or on your head
2. T-shirts, shirts, jackets, vests
3. Belt
4. Boxer shorts
5. Pants
6. Socks
7. Shoes

Of course, you don't need to put something on your head; I don't for one. I put it here so you would consider the option of wearing one. Match your shoes with your belt, or at least make sure they don't mismatch. Match your socks with either your shoes or your pants when possible, it is usually easier to go for the pants (unless you have black shoes). When that is not possible, use black socks (unless you already know what you are doing). If you are going to wear only a t-shirt, use one that is attention getting - no plain colors without any print. More importantly, make sure everything you are wearing fits together and conveys a style. It doesn't have to be a style that is very stereotypical (such as jocks, goth, or dandy) but it should be one that suits you and grabs attention. Depending on personality and identity, you may or may not want to take the attention grabbing feature to an extreme. It's your job to find out what works for you, but remember, at your disposal you have fashion magazines, the internet, female friends, cool good looking guys in clubs, celebrities - anything you can think of.

I realize this means you might need some time to find a style that works for you, and the money to do the shopping. Perhaps this is money you don't have right now. I understand your situation; the question is only whether you do. Your situation is that your lack of money is severly limiting your ability to get girls, since you don't yet have a working style. Like I've said before, there is no way around this one. So read the rest of this post, do what's needed to fix your appearance, and don't come back until you've done so. I asked that you commit nothing or everything, and here is the place where you're stuck if you haven't got a killer style already. You could choose to ignore this and go ahead reading, but nothing here or anywhere else will work like expected if you don't look good. By ignoring some of what I tell you and keep reading when you should be fixing your looks, you have chosen to commit nothing rather than everything, and in return you will get exactly that back - nothing. On a brighter note, not all styles are that expensive, and you only need one set of clothes that works really well for you.