Sexual Comfort

What's interesting about comfort is that not all girls need to feel comfortable around you to sleep with you. While a girl's degree of festivity determines your attraction-strategy, her degree of slutiness/promiscuity will determine your comfort-strategy, if any at all. There are not two different kinds of comfort, it's only a matter of how much comfort you need to build before extracting her home for sex. It makes sense to study what exactly is needed for a girl to have sex with you besides from attraction. Here are the three things:

1. Safety: she feels safe enough to go home with you alone.
   
2. Pair bond: she feels she won't ruin any further chances with you by having sex (you won't judge her).
   
3. Peer Pressure: she feels her friends won't judge her for having sex with you.
   

Note that safety is not actually a requirement for having sex with you, it is one for going home with you! That means two things: when you are trying to get a girl back to your place, she has to always feel safe about it, no matter how attracted or slutty she is. Less practical but yet important, it also means that you do not need safety if you are going back to her place (but avoid doing so if you can, see extraction) or if you are extracting her back to your place together with a friend of hers. Safety is not something you convey, because you don't need to (and if she catches you trying to convey it, she is going to feel very uncomfortable with you). Safety is usually created by spending time with her in combination with rapport building.

Anti-slut-defence, or ASD, is an emotion only girls experience and it is there to protect them against bad choices, such as getting babies with a guy that won't help her out in any way during or after her pregnancy (the pregnancy is the reason for this difference, since we don't carry around babies for 9 months, we don't need ASD as a protection mechanism). She wants to know that you'll stay with her after sex - that you are pair bonded to her. There are many levels on which to work with pair bond:

1. She feels you are sexually non-judgmental.
2. She feels you want to see her again after sex.
3. She feels are genuine connection to you.
   

Note the gap between level 2 and 3. This is because of an interesting observation: it is always much easier to get a girl back to your place on the first night than it is on the second. That is, even with girls you could have taken home on your first night but didn't, you most likely won't be able to on your second meeting with her (the exception is if you meet in a club). This is because level 3 is only for girls that need to feel this connection for you, those who don't just need to know you'll see her again after sex. Some sluts don't need anything at all with respect to ASD. Some need to know you are sexually non-judgmental, but this is more a relief than a necessity. Others need to feel you are non-judgmental, but don't care about much else. They only want a one night stand with you (perhaps because they have a boyfriend), and knowing you want to see them again might in these cases actually work against you, because it will make them feel uncomfortable knowing you may compromise their need for discretion by not keeping a certain distance. Very much of this depends on the situation, but at least I have techniques to give you for each of these levels:

1. That are you sexually non-judgmental can be conveyed with an ASD-killer.
2. That you want to see her again can be conveyed with a Time Bridge or Instant Pair Bond.
3. Genuine connection is built through deep identity conveying.

An ASD-killer is a technique - usually a short story - that indirectly conveys that you are non-judgmental when it comes to sex, and hence she won't ruin her chance of getting any kind of relationship by having sex with you early on. For example I tell a story about how I lost both my obsessive compulsive disorder and my virginity the same night, and got a relationship for a year. The story is interesting and fun, which in itself is great for identity/personality conveying, but it also indirectly conveys that there is nothing to lose by having sex with me early on. And even better, you can combine that with other frames to actually convey that it might be advantageous for her to sleep with you early on: when appropriate, I sometimes use a "I only want girls that really like me" or "I only take girls that want me 100%" frame. When the timing (calibration) is done properly, it becomes a very efficient technique, to the point where I've actually extracted girls that were inside clubs with their guys.

A time bridge is simply an arrangement to meet up again at a somewhat specific time and location. Thus "let's meet next Tuesday" is not a time bridge, whereas "come shopping with me Wednesday 6pm" is. We will go back to techniques for setting up meetings later, but it is important to remember that time bridges can be used before you extract the girl back to your place. While you are in the club, isolated with her in a couch making out, you can time bridge, give her your phone number, throw in the ASD-killer, and then extract her back to your place (for a specific sequence of steps, see extraction). The time bridge doesn't have to be real - you could time bridge to a day you can't actually see her - what's important in the context of sexual comfort is that she feels like you want to see her again. Feeling you are pair bonded to her will make her much more likely to sleep with you. An instant pair bond is simply a time bridge done in foreplay: it's a last minute quick and dirty fix when she starts having doubts about sleeping with you. Usually this doubt comes from not knowing whether you will see her again after sex (whether you are pair bonded), and so the instant pair bond solves this problem many times (see foreplay). As for the time bridge, the instant pair bond doesn't have to be real: in fact, she may not even logically want to see you again, it may only be her instincts that are holding her back because she is not experiencing your pair bond strong enough. Consequently, whether she can or can't meet up with you at your suggested time doesn't matter, what does is that she now feels your pair bond. Whereas a time bridge is usually made both to display pair bond as well as set up a real meet up, the instant pair bond has the only purpose of releasing her sexual discomfort through pair bonding. This means the instant pair bond is only make once, you don't keep trying to set up a meeting if she couldn't on your first try, because everything you wanted to convey when she knows you want to see her again, and you don't want to get her into logical state by talking about schedules while half naked in bed.

Deep identity conveying is the ladies man's nuclear bomb; it is a sequence of well chosen stories (or any other illustration) from your past, that explains the events that made you who you are; from the day you were born, through high school, to this day. When you are using your identity early on you are only conveying protection value through your passion for things, your ambition, and your competence (see identity: convey value). Now, you are instead explaining how this passion grew since you were small (or didn't), how you acquired the skills you now have, what shaped your personality (made you the way you are). Some people say connection is an emotion that one cannot control; some people are made for each other and some are not, it's a matter of proper matching. But this is not true, and the proof is deep identity conveying: when you become good at this, you'll realize that girls feel connected to you when they see your identity and how much protection value you potentially have. It's a evolutionary feature: their chances of survival (in modern terms: of getting a better life) are higher the more protection value you have, and they naturally find themselves wanting to align with you. The Venusian artist (pick up artist) Mystery was the first to write about deep identity conveying, in what he called grounding (because you "ground" her into your reality).

Sexual Charisma

The concept of sexual charisma comes from the realization that no girl will sleep with a guy that she considers to be non-sexual. Put different, a girl has to be able to imagine you having sex with girls (perhaps herself) in order to have sex with you. It's obvious that when a girl says "Oh I can't imagine him having sex!", it's not a compliment to the guy she's referring to. So at the very least, we have to be sexually appealing, and to be so, we have to have sexual charisma. Sexual charisma is one of those things that are hard to grasp; most people would say "some have it, others don't", and it's actually quite close to the truth. You can change it, but it's very hard. Let us start with the basics; sexual charisma consists of the following:

1. Sexual Confidence (necessary)
   
2. Secret Society (a big bonus)
   

To have sexual confidence means to be comfortable talking about sex and have no issues related to sex. This means you don't change the subject as soon as a girl mentions sex, because you'll come across as insecure or intimidated. Instead, you talk about sex in a light, fun way, just like every other topic of conversation. Sex should be as natural as showering to you. But of course, you don't want to be try hard; going back to the topic of sex all the time because then you'll come across as insecure too, trying to compensate outwards for your lack of inner sexual confidence. An important non-verbal display of sexual confidence is kino escalation, without any physical touching, your interaction with a girl will feel very non-sexual. Initiating kino escalation at a late point will make her feel uncomfortable.

To not have issues related to sex means you are sexually non-judgmental: you don't judge people - in particular girls - for their sexual history, preference, promiscuity, or anything else. Everything is acceptable when it comes to sex. Don't react negatively to anything sexual she reveals about herself, if you do and she picks up on it, she'll either never sleep with you or hold back on sex until the two of you have enormous connection, because anything else would make her feel very uncomfortable.

Secret society is a meme presented by the pick up artist Tyler Durden. The idea is that most guys are outside of a secret society that consists of all girls, gay guys, and only a handful of straight guys. This secret society is all about sex: if you belong to it, you'll be in good hands because everybody sleeps with everyone inside this society. However, nobody talks about this society; its members will always strictly deny its existence and everything that goes on inside. Of course, there is no such society, but the idea is brilliant, and it might be hard to appreciate the idea of this "secret society" until you end up being one of the guys that are standing on the inside, having girls tell you all the nasty things they've done in the past. It's not something they would every tell their boyfriends, because they want these guys to see them as their princesses and treat them accordingly. But most girls have another side, one in which they are completely free to express their sexuality, and if their relationship with their boyfriends are bad, they'll long for that freedom again.

With regards to sexual charisma, the secret society boils down to the following:

1. Don't kiss and tell: let girls know you never reveal sexual secrets (you have discretion).
   
2. Create a "us against them" (them are all other guys and some clueless girls) feeling (in the context of sex and relationships).
   
3. Whatever she's done with other guys is irrelevant (you are sexually non-judgmental and understand her need for discretion).
   

These are the basics when it comes to sexual charisma: we can do better than simply avoiding being non-sexually appealing. We can actually work to be sexually appealing. Appearance is crucial to sexual appeal: you do not need to be good looking (although it surely helps), but you need to look good - your face, body, and everything you are wearing. And it goes beyond what you wear: having other girls laughing in your arms makes you look very good. This is the key difference between how men and women perceive physical attractiveness: we look only for replication value (objective beauty), while they look for indicators of both survival and replication value.

Facial expressions are very powerful when it comes to sexual charisma. In some of our facial expressions we are perceived as much more sexy than others. Most people don't control much of these expressions because they come unconsciously, and no efforts were ever made to become aware of the good and the bad ones, in order to re-internalize them. This is something that should be done. This is best done through recent photos and videos of you: analyze them to evaluate your looks, both in terms of beauty, but also sexyness. Do not get caught up in old memories while looking through the photos; this is the one time you aren't looking at pictures for that reason. You should use girls to help you with this evaluation whenever possible (be honest about the purpose and she'll give you direct answers).

Attraction

Attraction is the most important emotion with regards to pick up. If a girl is not attracted to you, she won't sleep with you. Thus, attraction is necessary to establish with every girl you aim to pick up. I purposely used the word "establish" instead of "build" because attraction can sometimes be assumed, for example on approach invitations (girl is looking at you and smiling). In this case attraction is immediately established as you approach.

It is also the first thing you want to establish, because without early attraction the interaction will go wrong. You'll either end up in the friendship zone (she'll see you like a nice guy who she could have a platonic friendship with), or as the next guy to approach her trying to pick her up.

Before we talk about what creates attraction, it's important to recognize two different kinds of attraction.

1. Replication-based Attraction (Physical/Sexual attraction)
   
2. Survival-based Attraction (Protection-based attraction)
   

Physical attraction is generated very early (usually before or during the approach), and is generated by the following:

1. Beauty (facial looks, hair, body shape, length, smell)
2. Body language (posture, movements, facial expressions)
3. Sexual Charisma
4. Kino escalation

If a girl finds you physically appealing as soon as you approach her (because of beauty and body language) and you project a lot of sexual charisma combined with early and smooth kino escalation, you will be able to amplify a lot of attraction in a very short amount of time.

Whereas physical appearance clearly conveys that you are healthy and will most likely give her strong children, protection value conveys that you are a good investment for her well-being. Protection value is actually more powerful in the long run, because you are offering her and her children a better future. The following conveys protection value:

1. Leadership
2. Female pre-selection
3. Power/Status/Fame
4. Assets/Wealth

Contrary to generators of physical attraction, these latter traits can be conveyed without actually being displayed. You can't tell a girl you are beautiful - either she finds you beautiful, or she doesn't - but you can convey that you have a lot of power, status, girls, or followers, indirectly through stories. Furthermore, you don't actually need to possess any of that. What you need is to have a strong identity - with that comes potential value, and you've shown that you are a good investment. That's why you get the compliment "I believe in you" from a girl who's seen your strong identity.

These two ways of generating attraction are very different. Physical attraction explains why some poor guys will still get girls; protection-based attraction explains why some ugly guys will. Physical attraction is powerful, intense, but short lasting. Protection-based attraction builds slowly but safely - it won't go away as easily. Interestingly, this corresponds very well to the evolutionary principles of sexual selection: females chose good genes (physical attributes) for replication, and lots of protection for survival. By natural selection, the word "chose" in the previous sentence can be replace by "attracted to". Most of this happens unconsciously of course; neither males nor females tend to reflect upon how attraction is generate - they simply experience it through the emotions that have been hard wired into their brains.

So which strategy is the best? There are many answers to that question. Firstly, they are not mutually exclusive: you may very well mix the two techniques. Secondly, much of physical attraction is beyond your control once you are out in the club: some girls will find you more attractive than others on a physical plane. Protection-based attraction is out of most guys' control, but that is because most guys do not know how to efficiently convey their identity.

Following the advice I have already given you, the best thing you can do is fixing your appearance, having a good state and creating a good energy/vibe with your friends, and start approaching girls. Some will be physically attracted to you from minute one, in which case you've gotten a lot for free - and that is no cheating because there is no cheating in this game, because there are no rules, only limiting beliefs. The idea that some pick ups don't count because they were too easy in some sense is a weapon men use against each other to discredit others for their successes; do not put your success in the hand of other peoples judgement. Whether they are physically attracted to you or not, you should always demonstrate that you are a good investment by conveying your identity (including personality).

Thirdly, which strategy to use depends on the girl you are gaming, or rather, on the state she is in when you are gaming her.
There is a very important behavioral trait among girls that affects a lot regarding strategy: their degree of festivity. We talk about how much of a party chick a girl is, a term very descriptive of their behavior: typically party chicks have high energy, are somewhat drunk, want to dance a lot, and have very short attention span. They are out to have fun as much fun as possible now. They didn't come out to meet some guy for future good times, they want the good times now. They are simple and looking for simplicity, and consequently you need to use simple things to pick them up. Protection-based attraction, with it's identity and resource conveying will not work well. Focusing on physical activity will do the trick: kino escalation, dancing, spinning/moving them around. Showing them simple and cool tricks is also a technique that will work. In short, working on physical attraction will work best. On the other hand, the less of a party chick, the more responsive to your identity she will be. Protection-based game will work best then. Girls on the opposite extreme of party chicks are sometimes called librarian-types. The right mix of strategy thus depends on calibration, and this calibration relies almost solely on how much festivity-state a girl is in.

When we talk about sexual comfort, we'll see that the minimum requirements for having sex determines the degree of slutiness (promiscuity). Slutiness is correlated with festivity, so that most party chicks are in fact party sluts. There is a very simple way to have sex with party sluts: rely on physical attraction game - appearance, sexual charisma, body language, and most importantly kino escalation - and then simply do an extraction. This is a common way of getting 10-20 minute extractions.

The most common types of girls are party sluts and non-party non-sluts. That is, it's hard to find high energy girls that are not slutty, and it's hard to find low energy girls that are slutty. However there are exceptions to this relationship between slutiness and festivity: some sluts are low energy, shy girls, that will happily go home with you for sex after 10 minutes of conversation, but high energy game/very physical game won't work as well on them. Instead they want to see your identity and personality shine through, and if they like it, they'll have uninhibited sex with you. Then of course, there are party chicks that are not sluts: girls that go out and are very high energy, but don't sleep with guys early on. This simply means you start by using physical attraction game and then switch to deep comfort game. The necessary requirements for sex will be addressed in the sexual comfort post.