Rationalized Attraction

In this post I will focus on a phenomena that I call Rationalized Attraction. To make the insights clear, I'll use two girls that I gamed a long time ago and have now "defrosted".

You see, attraction doesn't vanish with time alone. A girl that was attracted to you a month ago will still be if you meet her again out. As a natural, I gamed some girls over several nights (usually because they would have boyfriends or some form of LTR and wanted to ditch the other guy before hooking up for some fun), and noticed this phenomena. It is interesting because many guys have an intuition of needing "to do as much as possible before it cools down with the girl". So they become needy: they call next day (nothing wrong with that in itself, but read on), try to arrange a gay date as soon as possible, call to check again, or simply because they miss the girl and wanted to "talk". Everything is an attempt to keep her BT high. But BT is usually kept high if you have what I will term "rationalized attraction". To understand the concept, read on.

I've just gotten back from a one month trip to Switzerland. My targets where Styx, HB_dancer, and HB_flight_hostess, both of which are old closes that I met in Australia.

HB_flight_hostess was a FNC that I didn't see again because she was only traveling through my city. I met her at a bar in a club, where she looked as she was in "got nothing to do"-state (a little bit of boredom, mixed with a semi enthusiastic search for more fun). It was more than two years ago but I remember the opener perfectly: I walked passed her, she was looking around, and I look at her with a smile and said "you look sad, cheer up". She smiled directly, and I said "see, that's much better. Now you're happy." Add some nonsense lines, we start making out. Add an hour of dancing, drinking, and talking about absolutely nothing relevant, I'm good to extract: "I'm getting tired, I'm off to bed now. You're coming?". She checks with her friend, she's with some other dude. While they're talking I tell him I'm extracting and hope we won't have to meet again, he tells me it's going well with the other girl and I've got nothing to worry about. Cool guy. I take her back to my place and make her look really happy. The next morning, as she left, apparently I'd told her "see you...never again."

I met HB_dancer months later. I just got to the club with some friends, had ordered a beer with a former student of mine, saw her standing a couple of meters behind me, opened indirectly, stacked, she asked me to come order with her, then went straight to isolation, and 20 minutes later, back to my place. As we sat on my balcony, we had not kissed. The only kino we had was hand holding while walking home, which is great in itself, but the window of opportunity is not going to be closed forever. Guys that make out in clubs find it easier to escalate back home because they feel it's on. When they haven't, they get insecure because they start getting fear of (escalation) rejection. So the biggest problem with escalating with kissing in clubs is a limiting belief, or more accurately, limiting behavior. Just do it. I got up of my chair, walked over to hers while talking, put out both my hands palms up, she took them, I pulled her up from the chair, we started kissing, I took her straight into my bedroom, ripped of her clothes, and we made love. For two nights.

The interesting thing is that the only contact I had with HB_flight_hostess prior to my visit in Switzerland was no more than 4 emails in each direction, that occurred more than two years ago. I got too lazy to keep in touch, but apparently that wasn't a problem: I sent her an email letting her know I was coming to Switzerland, telling her it would be fun to meet her again, she agreed and invited me to her place. With HB_dancer, I'd been in touch with her the whole time (little more than a year), although we only sent about one email per month to each other. Four days before my arrival, she emailed me letting me know she's just hooked up with some guy and they were getting serious now. She referred to him as her "boyfriend", and said she didn't want to cheat on him. I told her that's fine, and thanked her for letting me know in advance. She then suggested we should meet in her home town rather than the city where she and her boyfriend is studying, her parents would not be in the house anyway. It doesn't take too much thought process to figure out she has pretty much planned everything so that she can cheat if she would want to, avoiding any potential conflicts with her boyfriend.

I started by meeting HB_dancer for a weekend. My plans were never to sleep with her, if she has a boyfriend and she's happy with him, I'm fully satisfied having a sweet and helpful guide and cook in Switzerland. I decided to leave it to the situation, but as always, to learn anything I could from it. We met at the train station and went straight back to her house. She pulled out some wine and beer for dinner, and we kept drinking afterwards. We have lots to talk about: she's a psychology student and she knows I'm a PU coach (she knew that already in Australia). As the hours went by, it was time for bed, and we crawled down in her double bed. After some low energy convo and light hold kino, I started escalating and we end up kissing. As I'm undressing her, she's resisting me because of her boyfriend. I'm all in for shagging her, but I can't be fucked trying to win her over as we're only going to see each other for a weekend. I don't need to "up my number" by one, and shagging her wouldn't even do that. Besides, I'm only slightly more horny than sleepy. And of course, girls that are really keen to have sex with you are so much more of a turn on than girls who hesitate. Girls that like me have good taste, and girls with good taste in men is something I value. Having said that, it's actually very possible that I could have closed her had I done proper seduction game (what you would do with a girl you haven't closed before). Remember, she brought me to her home town to avoid problems with her boyfriend, also opening up the opportunity for anything to happen. They had only recently met, and to be honest, she didn't really care about morals when it comes to staying faithful. So what was it then? Imagine a girl that has been single for a couple of years. Before that, she used to be in a healthy relationship. They were both in love, and everything was well. Since then, the closest thing to love she has come to experience is short termed FB relationships, lasting at most a month. The sex may be good, but something is missing, and that something are the emotions she used to experience back in the old days, when everything was easy. Now, although not yet in love, she's just found someone that has the potential to give her all these wonderful feelings again. And by cheating, she's not afraid of being unfair to him, but that she may prevent herself from developing stronger bonds with him. This is precisely why HB_dancer doesn't want to cheat.

Now, I'm only telling you this to make an interesting story, with all the irrelevant complexities of life. As far as game goes, the reasons for sexual resistance (what we would normally attribute to ASD) are uninteresting, because the solution is always the same: get more compliance through attraction or escalation (through rationalization), use this compliance to rip up a window of opportunity, seize it. You're escalating in bed and you know you may soon get some resistance, either create more attraction (in this case by making her more horny) or put up a middle hoop before going for sex (put your cock in her mouth and let her do some work). That's why naturals don't care about the reasons for ASD or any resistance: they either already know, or they know it doesn't matter. Besides, asking is definitely not the kind of polite impression you would want give when in bed with a girl. The best way I can put it to you: the answer she will give you is usually just some rationalization bullshit anyway. She doesn't want to have sex because she doesn't have enough compliance; that and how to create universal compliance is all you need to know. Generally, there aren't different seduction strategies depending on her "customized problems", that's just retarded gay thinking (indeed, a nice guy strategy).

After a good weekend of Swiss meals and sight seeing, I leave her at the train station to meet HB_flight_hostess. She needs to get some stuff back at her parents house before going to work (yes, you've guessed it Einstein, she's a flight hostess). We take the train back to her parents house. Now, I don't have any problems with parents. I've met quite a few by now, and they always like me. I know how to carry myself around parents: my own coached me in that regard. It's mostly a dilemma: the trick is to not be nervous around them. When you're relaxed, confident, yet respectful to them, they get a good impression of you, and there's no need for that extra bed they may otherwise suggest. Now I have nothing to be nervous over, because her parents surely understand what this is about, I know they do, and they know I know. So there's no need to play games! Me and HB_flight_hostess share two bottles of wine, her older brother joins us for a while. Same principle applies to him, although I would guess most guys find brothers easier than fathers.

After we've emptied our bottles we go out on their balcony for a smoke. They have all gone to bed upstairs by now. We smoke and I tease her a little, there is definitely attraction. I start kino escalating and we kiss. Finish cigarette, move upstairs, she trips and falls to the ground as we enter her room, conveniently waking up the whole floor minutes before we start having sex, removing all the plausible deniability they wish they could have. We travel around Switzerland together for a week, visiting various places. Nice.

I find it fascinating that you can meet a girl, just for one night, have sex with her, then no contact, two years later, you send an email, go visit her, and immediately resume where you last finished. This is because of rationalized attraction: she already know she was once attracted to you, in this case because you had sex (one of the strongest causes of rationalization), and so she knows she would be attracted to you once more if you met. Attraction gives compliance, so she is pretty much rationalizing compliance to your favor!

To make my point clear, consider the following scenario: same girl, you FNC her but never have time to see her again (because she lives far away), then you visit her a year later. In the first scenario, you've kept in touch with her the whole time. You've actually become quite good friends. In the second scenario, there has been no contact whatsoever, except for a couple of emails or text messages after that one night you had together. Everything else being the same, in which scenario do you think you'll have better chances of ending up having sex with her again? I think that most guys here, having some experience and intuition to reason with, would correctly answer "second" (some may say "it doesn't matter"). The difference is obviously that in the first case, you risk ending up in the friendship zone. But what if you didn't have too much contact, and when you did, it was short but intensive, filled with tension? With regard to future sex relationships, that would be better than friendship contact, but would it be better than none at all? Probably not, and the explanation is precisely rationalized attraction: the more contact you keep with the girl, the less reason you will give her for rationalizing attraction when she agrees to meet up with you again. If the last thing she recalls before seeing you again was that exciting and sexual visit in your apartment, the unconscious logic is of course that she must have been very attracted to you, you got along really well, and since she's now seeing you again, things haven't changed. After all, how could they have, considering she hasn't heard a word from you since then? If the last thing she recalls before seeing you again is the email where you told her you got a new job and threw a party to celebrate, however fancy it may be, she's now seeing you again because she knows more about you now than before. It's not that memory of the sex in your apartment. That's forgotten by now. It's this "deeper" friendship you've been building throughout the year. And why ruin the friendship with sex? Obviously, anything but real flesh-to-flesh contact prevents us from doing physical escalation, which is central to sex (being the top of the kino-escalation pyramid). The more time a girl interacts with us without physical escalation taking place, the more she rationalizes that we are meant to be friends (you have missed your windows of opportunity). The fact that physical escalation couldn't possibly have taken place is a logical truth our attraction mechanism knows nothing about, neither does it care.

So far, I've been assuming that the girl agrees to meet you again in the first place. Wouldn't it be fair to assume that some form of contact would be preferential to getting compliance enough to meet again? Yes, it would. That's why I emailed HB_flight_hostess a week before coming: enough to exchange a couple of emails, but the implicit frame is "we're going to meet, it's going to be fun, so let us sync rapport now", not "we're perhaps going to meet, let us find out whether we should, let us see if we have rapport". The latter frame could have occurred if I would have contacted HB_flight_hostess two months prior to my visit. With only a week of forward planning, I exempt her from that consideration. The optimal solution, is to start building rapport from an implicit "we're going to meet when I get there" frame, without having had any contact before. Before taking too much credit, I should be fair and admit that I didn't actually had these ingeniously manipulative ideas in my head as I contacted her: I was way too busy watching South Park and writing my book; as far I'm concerned, it's mostly a coincidence that I contacted her a week before coming down. But isn't it relieving to know we can keep focusing our energy on getting drunk, having plenty of sex, and do whatever else may occasionally come to mind, without any concerns the next day, week, month, and year, then simply drop an email before coming down for a visit, knowing that this is not only a solution that works, it may also be the best?! Nice guys do indeed finish last.

You may also note, that meeting an old FB would not work if you lived in the same city but didn't have any contact for a long time. As in the case where you live far from each other, you don't have any contact. But it is all about the explanation she will give herself for why you don't keep in touch: if you live near each other, you would naturally be meeting each other if there was something special. If you live far away from each other, you can't meet each other, regardless of whether there was something special going on or not. The interesting thing is that this uncertainty is rationalized away into "we had something special" because this gives better feelings that the opposite belief "we didn't have anything special". That in itself contributes to more compliance to meet up again, and as I've mentioned above, once she agrees to meet up again, the rationalization will further work to your advantage by her thinking "I met up with him, therefore I must like him a lot".

Does rationalized attraction work in real time too? That is, do you get any rationalized attraction throughout the course of an evening in a club? What about with regards to day 2s? Different questions, same answer: yes. The fact that you may not be able to go from "hi" to sex in one big step, but may with "hi" followed by some light brush kino on her arms, followed by more general brush kino, then hold kino, kissing, more hold kino (comfort kino), seduction kino, and finally, sex, it might actually work - is a clear demonstration of rationalized compliance. The more the girl agrees to do with you, the more she will agree to do in the future. In other words, she rationalizes that whatever she has complied to is a sign of attraction (interest), and to be consistent, she continues to comply to future hoops. Attraction is necessary to start the escalation process, but once it starts rolling, most guys find it quite easy to get somewhere (usually at least up to kissing and/or isolation). So attraction, escalation, and rationalization are closely interlinked, something we made sure all our students learnt during out bootcamps in what we called the escalation process. My personal favorite example of rationalized compliance is that of sex partner: let us say there is a girl my friend has gamed but not had sex with. Then I game her and we have sex. When I ask her what she thinks of my friend, she will say he's charming, fun, attractive, or whatever, but "not her type". The magic sparkle wasn't there, as opposed to, of course, us. And this happens every time someone I know shags a girl someone else has been sarging. It's not some special magical sparkle of mine. It's the magic sparkle of rationalization. If you think of it, it's not that strange. I mean, what did you expect her to say? "Yeah, I found him really attractive and could have ended up having sex with him, but he wasn't escalating properly or perhaps didn't want to fuck me, so we ended up here instead. Isn't that a cute coincidence?" There's no fucking way you'll hear a sane girl saying something along those lines. This, my friend, is girl psychology at its best. Get used to it, understand it, and use it to your advantage.

Comments from enlightened guys and pissed of girls welcome.